The GOP convention featured a wide range of speakers from Laura Bush speaking on education to Colin Powell addressing school choice, inclusion, and doing what's right. John McCain give a rallying speech in an attempt to unify the party that he in part helped fracture. Cheney had some scathing remarks aimed at Al Gore. Particularly poignant was, "What are we to make of the last eight years? I look at them and see opportunities squandered. The wheel has turned. And it is time. It is time for them to go." George W Bush gave the speech of his life in accepting the nomination peppering it with catchy phrases such as, "They have not led; we will." He spoke at length on the economy, the military, and education. He called for a new beginning and not a third chance for the Clinton-Gore machine. He pledged to fix Social Security by allowing investments to grow the money set aside. He also pledged missle defense which we currently do not possess contrary to popular misconception. Clever jibes about Gore creating the internet and the Democrats only having to offer fear itself helped set the tone for a clear message. Bush pledged to end partial-birth abortion and to provide leadership for our country. Integrity of character, leadership based on ethics and not polls, responsibility, accountability, and high standards all were highlighted since our current executives are lacking these attributes. With a rallying cry of, "It won't be long now!", Bush closed a successful convention.

The Democrats hosted their orgy in LA, and quickly showed their colours. Leiberman the fair-minded one quickly turned into an attack dog. Ted Kennedy stumbled out and made everyone thankful there weren't any rivers nearby for him to ditch his secretary in. Caroline Kennedy reminded us that some people can be famous for never having done anything in life other than be related to a famous dead person. Person after person was lined up to tell us Al Gore really isn't the loser he looks like on TV. We know a different Al Gore. It's telling that Gore's image is so bad that one Democrat sniffed, "the presidency should not be a popularity contest." Finally, to prove he's not stiff, Al Gore came out and staged the phoniest porn-caliber kiss ever foisted upon the American public. Of course, with Clinton present we're lucky he didn't grab Tipper and try to top it.

Thus concludes our convention coverage? Our final thought? The conventions have surpassed their usefulness and have become little more than orchestrated pep rallies. Why not shorten them to two nights? One to count the votes, and the other for the acceptance speech?